About my acceptance

I-dont-know-how-you-do-it.-640x640

It’s the first day of another year. I have had at least 15 posts started in my head since my last post. None of them got further than that. I couldn’t release them, for some reason. But today, I almost couldn’t contain them. Don’t worry. I won’t spill 15 posts worth of words and emotions all at once! Today’s post is about one thing.

ACCEPTANCE.

This is my word for 2018. I didn’t go searching for it. It latched on to me the last few weeks of 2017. It surprised me a bit because I feel like all I’ve done for most of my life is accept things. These past 4 years have been riddled with gut-wrenching things I’ve had to accept. So I wasn’t sure what to make of that word blaring so loudly in my head.

And then it hit me.

Up until this point, I have felt like I didn’t have a choice. The quote above defines it perfectly. I endured because I wasn’t given a choice. I was living in chaos, and just holding on for dear life. To be completely honest, there really only seemed to be two choices: live or die. And I just couldn’t bring myself to die.

But this noun (that felt way more like a verb) had started creeping to the forefront of my mind, and seemed to be surrounded by a much greater level of choice than before.

flower in concrete

Like this flower, growing through the concrete.

I saw it several months ago when I was walking into a building. I almost missed it. The flower was super tiny. But it was winning. Big time! Concrete on either side, and yet it was blooming. Choice.

This is the version of acceptance that I want. The version that accepts what’s on either side, but says, “Watch me grow!”.  Acceptance with the goal of LIFE and beauty. I can do that!

So bring on the concrete, 2018. I’m ready.